jeudi 27 août 2015

Everything will be fine at the end (they said)


Because you were expecting this in one way but not that much on the other.
Because you knew your life was so incredible that it couldn't last forever. Ok let's not say forever but at least a couple of years. Please, let me dream alive for a couple of years, could I have said then.
But that's not how things work in those days. In those days, the Company decides that they want to close your office and whatever you're doing there, whatever you've brought there, they don't really care. (Let's face it)
One day, you just receive a text, not even from your boss, but from one of your interns, saying: "it's done. They're closing the office". And of course, you cannot say this is a huge surprise as they hadn't renew any contracts for the last year, but well... You were still hoping to stay for a while. And by a while you meant at least another winter. Because you love winter. Real Winter, with a capital W. The one when it's snowing, freezing and everything. You like wearing all your warm clothes on and feeling that much protected under your 12 layers of Uniqlo heattech clothes (remember Uniqlo? This almost unknown brand, as your boss told you in November 2014, and it's because someone told him about it that he's sharing this with you. Lucky you !). Well, you love winter, you love your life here, so much healthier and easier than in France before. You love New York, of course, but in a very special way. Probably not because this is the city that never sleeps, nope, this is not exactly you. Even if right now you don't get enough sleep, uh.
You live New York because you love your life here.

[Petite photo prise en allant au consulat]
You love working less, let's face it, but working in an efficient way. Working from 8:30 AM to 8:00 PM five days a week doesn't have to be your life. This is not a life actually, this is kind of slavery. I may have told some of you about how I hated and how much I suffered my last six months working in Paris. I lost 10 pounds within six months, I couldn't sleep at night and I was quite short-tempered, I would say (and some of my intimates could agree...). This wasn't a life. This was dedication to a stupid work nobody had ever recognised at this time. Dear me lol. But now... Now I have another life after my work day. When I get back home It's not 9:30 PM, and I don't eat organic because the only store still open at this time is an organic one, no, I eat organic because I enjoy buying organic food at Fairway. After my workday I also have enough time to work out at least twice, but mostly three times, a week. And still having dinner prior to 9:30 PM.

[Mon dernier footing le long de l'East River]

I love my life here because nobody judges me. I can wear whatever I want, nobody cares. Even if this means wearing an old pair of jeans with cowboy boots and a crop top. Not even feeling weird anymore when wearing this. Last Sunday, I went out wearing a long skirt with a crop top and my favourite sneakers, with a cowboy hat (I do like cowboy stuff, howdy!) and felt good. Even in the Village!

[Vue depuis le Rooftop ink48]
I love my life here because I have met good people. Sounds a bit Indian style right now, uh? But by good people I mean people who didn't care about what I had done before, which school I went to, what did my parents do for a living... people who didn't know much about me but took care of me when I needed it and made me laugh several times as I was feeling depressed and home-sick. I had written an article about making new friends in a new city, in November 2014 (so many things during that month lol), but blogger went wrong somehow and the article was never published. In this article I remember talking about how brave you have to be to meet new people but how much it's worth it. You are sometimes so desperate for friends that you say yes to everything, and sometimes end in weird places, but at least you've tried ! Let's face it, once again, in Paris I am not going to attend AperoBlog or any kind of "meet up", because I wouldn't feel comfy enough to do so. I will be afraid by people's judgemental look. I am more open minded now than before.

[Vue depuis le rooftop Fabrics]

I also love my life here because I became a better person. I became a smiling person, able to chitchat with anybody, just because we are sharing the same elevator. And I smile. I smile all the time, to anybody. Feels so much better.  Oh, and I also became more polite. Not that I was rude before. I don't think so, just that now I don't rush to get the best seat in the bus, I punctuate most of my moves in a busy environment with a "excuse me Sir..." 

[Vue depuis le Brooklyn Bridge lors de mon footing sur Park avenue en aout]

And after all these changes, after having repeated to myself almost every single day how much I love my life here I have to leave everything to go back to Paris. Actually this is almost my last night in my apartment, I feel a bit depressed. 

[Aaaah le #coffeewithaview mention speciale au taxi assorti a la cup.
Retour de la laverie de la 33rd, snif.
Non en fait, la laverie ne va pas me manquer !]
Back in France, I hope I won't change too fast and too much. I hope I will keep this positive attitude Lorie, Raffarin and the Americans in general love that much. I hope I won't go back to the Parisian-style: never smiling, always complaining. At least, I will try my best.

[garantie 100% vraie]
Ps: I have so much to say and I tried so many times to write a post about it that this single post cannot sum up the whole thing and the mixed feeling I am struggling through 

Pps: for those who want all the details and so that nobody asks me ever again this question which tends to make me nervous "when are you going back?", I am moving on Thursday to another place in Chelsea and leaving the US at the end of September, tbd.

[tete qu'on fait quand on est radiee de la liste des francais a l'etranger]

5 commentaires:

  1. Dans un sens c'est triste, car tu avais l'air si bien ! Mais comme tu le dis, je suis sure que cette expérience t'a changée positivement :)
    Ma question est : mais es-tu obligée de revenir à Paris ? N'as-tu pas d'autre choix ?
    En tout cas, quoi qu'il advienne, je te souhaite tout le meilleur, et espère te voir bientot et discuter en direct (plutot que par blog interposé hehe)

    1. Non, j'aurai pu dire "je veux aller au Canada" directement (mon prochain projet peut être éventuellement qui sait), mais c'était pas dans le même genre de métiers donc ça me plaisait moyennement...

  2. snif snif...
    une belle aventure qui se termine, mais qui sait d'autres vont surement démarrer !!
    et si tu es décidé à garder la Lorie / Raffarin attitude, même le plus grognon des parisien ne te fera pas perdre ton sourire. Suffit de le vouloir et ça marche, et ça rend la vie parisienne plus belle, believe me :)

  3. C'est tellement ça, que le jour ou je rentrerai en France, je pomperai cet article sans aucune honte !

    1. lol dans ce cas j'espère que ça ne sera pas pour tout de suite alors ;)
      j'ai en vue un article "le retour finalement c'est quoi?" mais je pars tellement dans tous les sens dans ma tête que je n'ai pas encore réussi à le structurer... ça fait deux mois que j'y pense...


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